It has come to my attention that bloggers suck.
We are pathetic, emotionally stunted losers who have nothing better to do than share with the world our pithy “insights” on 1) what that bastard Justin did at the party last night and like OMG I’m like never going to speak to him again; 2) what a hairy-warted skid mark George Bush/Harry Reid/Hillary Clinton/Karl Rove is, depending upon one’s political affiliation; 3) how the vacuum cleaner broke last night in the middle of cleaning up whatever it is you dropped onto the floor, you maladroit jackass; or 4) the prevalence of slugs on the West Coast.
Or so I keep reading. Though I really knew this already.
But it’s always a pleasure to have someone point it out again, especially if they make me laugh while doing so. This particular screed has all the subtlety of a pipe bomb, but it also possesses the virtue of being mostly true. And it’s so funny I had peed my pants a little by the time I was finished reading it. Here’s a sample:
If minds had anuses, blogging would be what your mind would do when it had to take a dump.
Oh come on. You say that like it’s a bad thing.
Actually, I believe a fair case can be made that my mind does, in fact, have an anus.
I appear to be arriving very late to this discussion. That is because I comport in every respect with the Pathetically Oblivious Blogger model, one who is so extravagantly self-involved that I am busy writing posts about slugs and volcanoes and spawning salmon, to the exclusion of noticing what rational people are talking about at the moment. My mind has been spending a lot of time on the can. And thank goodness, because otherwise I might have been working.
So. Bloggers are verbally masturbatory, vacuous twits, and are profligate wasters of bandwidth. Well, yeah. What’s your point?
Besides, we all know Justin really is a bastard.
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